Published On: Sat, Sep 3rd, 2011

McDonald’s Announces New Giant Burger

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The world’s largest fast food chain held a news conference to kick off a new ad campaign for a new burger that the company hopes will be more popular and more successful than the Big Mac. The Big Mac has been the company’s flagship burger for as long as the franchise has been open. The restaurant chain hopes to capture the ‘giant burger’ portion of the fast food market. The new burger will feature six patties of beef. That’s right six of them. Keeping those six beef patties company will be lettuce, tomato,pickles,special sauce, onions, and a half bun separator much like the one in a big mac. And cheese. Lots of cheese. Four slices on one burger. The total weight of the burger completely loaded up is well over one pound in weight. There is 1200 calories in the burger without any bacon. That’s 1200 calories without the pop or the fries. Super sized of course. The name of this new huge burger? It is called “The Ronald” Which begs the question; Is this burger too rich for you?

Mc Donald’s spokesperson Rebecca Matheson, said that Donald Trump has been signed on for the initial promotion of the new burger. “It made perfect sense to enlist the Donald to help promote the ‘Ronald’ burger, she said.

The new burger is set to make it’s debut in select North American locations on May 1 of this year.

When asked whether the company thought it was wise to start promoting a hamburger with six patties of meat and condiments adding up to almost 1500 calories for the burger alone(ironically during a time when Americans have been told by health authorities that we must eat healthier and get slimmer),spokesperson Matheson replied ” Our studies have shown a need for a burger of this type. It does more than just fill a space in the market. It gives people choice. More importantly is gives Americans the freedom to choose, and after all, isn’t that why our brave young men are fighting overseas right now? For our freedom? Our freedom to choose? Do you disagree with that?”

Donald Trump will be featured in television ads as well as having a life-size cardboard cutout of himself holding a Ronald burger in every franchise that offers the burger. Mr. Trump was not at the news conference as was promised. Officials at the conference apologized for not having the “Donald” on hand for the event mentioning that Mr. Trump was unavoidably delayed due to heavy traffic. According to sources Mr Trump had his driver stop into the nearest restaurant on route to the news conference because he was very hungry. As it turns out the limousine he was riding in was too large for the drive through driving lane and the vehicle became stuck. The Donald, according to witnesses at the scene, remained cool in the limo and calmly ate his Whopper until the tow truck freed his vehicle from the Burger King drive through.

Story by Brian Ringland

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